Part 7 - The Date
Pre-Date Prep: The Foundation of Not Screwing This Up
Personal Hygiene (Yes, We Need to Talk About This because some guys have already lost before the date has begun. Let's get real specific because you need to be doing all of the below:
- Shower within 2 hours of the date (using actual soap, not just water)
- Brush teeth AND floss (that piece of lunch stuck in your teeth isn't a good conversation starter)
- Deodorant AND cologne (but not half the bottle - you're going on a date, not marking your territory but at least 2-3 sprays). Smelling nice is key. Here is a good cologne that I use
- Trim those nails (she will notice, and yes, it matters)
- Get a haircut a few days before and maintain a decent look and style
- Dark jeans or pants (without holes unless you're under 25)
- Clean, plain shoes (not your gym sneakers)
- A fitted shirt (if you can pinch more than an inch of fabric on the sides, it's too big)
- A classy watch
- Avoid overdressing or wearing something too formal. Think business casual
What NOT to wear:
- That lucky t-shirt from college (it wasn't lucky then, it's not lucky now)
- Anything with anime characters (save it for Comic-Con)
- Sandals with socks (just... no)
- Your "good" sweatpants (they don't exist)
Make sure you go home and do all of these things before the date. Do NOT go to the date directly from work or the gym. You need to prep and get ready specifically for the date.
Location Strategy: The Art of the Perfect Spot
My ideal first date is to get drinks. It lowers inhibitions and increase your chances of getting laid and having a good time. There are also other benefits to having drinks where you can bail early if the vibe isn’t good (ie. She doesn’t look like her pictures, is annoying, or is giving signals she is not DTF or looking for something like a green card). Drinks are also cheaper than dinner, easier to plan, and given how bars are set up, means you can engage in physical touching.
I also like to emphasize that its not just one location but a ideal date can sometimes take place over multiple locations or bars. Your chances of getting laid on the first date increase if you are able to take her to a second bar/location and then finally to your place.
If you don’t like bars or they just aren’t an option, here are some alternatives:
The Coffee Date
Pros: Low pressure, easy escape if needed
Cons: Limited interaction time and might take place during the day. Lowers chance of getting sex on the first date with this location
The Activity Date
- Rock climbing (shows strength without being weird about it)
- Cooking class (proves you're not afraid of domestic skills)
- Arcade (nostalgia + competition = chemistry)
- Art gallery (makes you look cultured even if you think abstract art looks like a toddler's masterpiece)
Cons: these all require more money, more planning, you are much more committed and can’t just leave if the date isn’t going well.
Once you have a plan, here is an example of a good text and set up to get her to commit and then a bad one:
GOOD:
You: "There's this cool new bar at X with Y vibes and great Z drinks. Are you free Friday night at 7pm?
Her: "That sounds fun!"
You: "Great! See you then, I’ll check in with you X amount of time before the date!!
BAD:
You: "Wanna grab drinks?"
Her: "Sure, where?"
You: "Idk, whatever's good for you"
(Congratulations, you just made her do all the work and look like a bum)
Conversation Mastery: Beyond "How Was Your Day?"
Okay now that you have met her, and she is indeed hot, now is not the time to get nervous and start fumbling. Here are conversation topics that will help guide you and not seem too generic:
Travel Stories
You: "What's the most ridiculous thing that's ever happened to you while traveling?"
(Everyone has at least one story about getting lost, missing a flight, or accidentally ordering mystery meat)
Childhood Dreams
You: "What did you want to be when you were a kid?"
Her: "A veterinarian"
You: "What changed your mind? Or are you secretly treating sick hamsters on the weekends?"
Work Stories
You: "What's the most unusual thing that's happened at your job?"
(Everyone has workplace drama. Everyone.)
You: Who do you hate the most at your job?
As the night goes on, you want to add more substance into your dialogue. Talk about yourself and provide substance:
- Talk about how you want to become a business person (or insert career path) and here is your plan to do so
- Talk about wanting to build a mansion and start a family
- You want to establish a home base and travel to visit new place
Give her a glimpse into you being a man with goals and a plan.
Topics to Avoid Like the Plague:
- Your ex (even if she asks - keep it brief and drama-free)
- Politics (unless she brings it up, then tread carefully, try to figure out what her lean is, and go with the flow, especially if you are trying to get laid)
- Your extensive Pokemon card collection (save it for later)
The Art of Active Listening and Your Body Language
People can tell if you are actively engaged and listening to them, yes even dumb people. Tell yourself she is gorgeous and how much you want her. Imagine her naked in front of you giving you the best sex of your life, this will change your body language and she will pick up on that.
Some sample dialogue to show her that you are listening and engaging:
Her: "I just started taking pottery classes..."
You: "That's cool! What made you interested in pottery and whats the favorite thing you have made?”
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Her: "Work has been crazy lately..."
You: "Tell me everything, who do you hate the most??”
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Bad Listening Examples:
Her: "I love traveling..."
You: "Cool. One time, I went to Vegas and..."
(Congratulations, you just made it about you)
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If you need some signs that the date is going well, here are some green flags from her:
- If you need some signs that the date is going well, here are some green flags from her:
- Playing with hair
- Mirroring your movements
- Feet pointed toward you
- Genuine laughter (not the polite "please stop talking" kind)
Red Flags (Time to Change Strategy or Accept Defeat):
- Phone checking every 5 minutes
- Body turned toward exit
- Arms crossed
- Looking around the room like she's planning an escape route
The End Game: Closing Strong
I always aim to have sex with a girl on the first date or as early as possible. If this is your goal as well then the below will help. Even if its not and you prefer to take things slower, modify the below accordingly or utilize in later dates:
The Second Location Move
If the date's going well, have a backup activity ready, ideally another bar. Its been proven this helps increase chances of getting laid and building trust:
There's another cool bar around the corner if you're not ready to call it a night?
And then if she is super ready to get down with you, either after the first location or now after the second location, you can hit her with:
“Want to come over for a nightcap?”
“Its still early, why don’t you come over and I’ll show you the view from my place”
“I want you, lets get a car and go back to my place”
“Its only 8pm, want to come over and watch X SHOW YOU TALKED ABOUT DURING DRINKS”
Depending on the girl, the app and the vibes, you might want to play it a bit more slow, and here are a few options to do that:
The Classic
You: "I had a really great time tonight. Would love to do this again soon."
Her: "Me too!"
You: "Great, I'll text you tomorrow?"
The Specific Follow-up
You: "You mentioned you love Thai food. There's this great place downtown - maybe we could check it out next week?"
(Shows you were listening and have actual plans)
The Casual Cool
You: "This was fun! Next time you can show me those pottery skills you were talking about."
(References conversation, implies future plans without pressure)
Good Follow-up Texts:
"That coffee place was great, but I think I could definitely beat your Pac-Man score next time 😏"
"Thanks for teaching me about [something she mentioned]. I just went down a Wikipedia rabbit hole learning more about it!"
Bad Follow-up Texts:
"Miss you already 🥺"
(Way too intense)
"Hey"
(Are you 12?)
Final Thoughts:: Dating is a learning experience.
The key is being genuine while not taking yourself too seriously. If you can make her laugh while showing you're a functioning adult who can hold a conversation, you're already ahead of 90% of the competition.
Now go forth and date like a champion